Things You Should Never Talk To Your Guy About

How You Really Feel About His Parents 

So his mom is the real life version of Jane Fonda in Monster In Law, and she drives you absolutely bonkers. Don’t go there. Yeah, his dad seems like he’s in the italian mafia and whacks people for a living. Don’t go there, just don’t. When you try to tell him his parents are nutjobs, he’s not going to like it. He’ll feel like he has to pick sides, and for most men- Mommy always wins. Even if he does know she’s a controlling nightmare.

Your Celeb Crush
Fact- we all know that Ryan Gosling, Channing Tatum and Zac Efron are drop dead gorgeous. And hell, your guy probably knows it, too. But it’ll just get on his nerves, and maybe even make him a little jealous. No matter what, you don’t want to deal with that, so just spill all your fantasies to your girlfriends. 

Why You Were In the Bathroom for Fifteen Minutes
Okay- I’ll just say it. YES- everyone goes number 2. [Except me, I swear] But nothing kills a burnin’ romance faster than discussing what went down on the throne. Even if guys secretly know what you did, lie. Lie ‘til the death of you. Make up some random excuse, like you were doing your hair or fixing your makeup. Lie lie lie lie.

How Long It Takes You To Get Ready 
When people say mystery is a key factor in any relationship, this is what I’m talking about.  Part of what keeps a spark going is the unknown, which includes your pre-date prep. No guy wants to hear that it took you forty five minutes---- to just do your hair. They don’t want to know the hours you slaved away picking out an outfit, shaving, showering, doing your makeup and hair, etc. They want to think you wake up looking this beautiful, so let them think that. 

Breakouts 
Zits can kiss my butt. I mean, they suuuuuuuck. But unless you’re dating a supermodel, guys usually breakout, too. Even if you can spot that monster pimple in the middle of your forehead a mile away, don’t point it out. If you do, your guy will most likely do all of the following:

A] Will not stop staring at said monster pimple

B] Attempt to make you feel better, ultimately fail and make you feel more awkward

C] Will not stop staring at said monster pimple

So yeah, just don’t even bother with the whole zituation. 

Your Body Issues

Guys have repeatedly said that they never know what to say when you ask them ‘‘Does this dress make me look fat?’’ Not only do they have sucky responses, they hate it when you ask that. Confidence is sexy. So shake it off, and slowly back away from the skinny jeans. 

Time of the Month Details
You and only you need to know when Flo is comin’ to town. I’m gonna go with you should take a pass on chatting about how bloated you feel and that your stomach is eating you alive because your cramps hurt so bad. Got it?

Stage 5 Clingers

So you’ve met a girl or guy who seems pretty fun. You two hang out a few times, you’re hooking up and things are going well. Or, so you think. Soon, you notice your inbox is completely flooded with texts from that one person. When you don’t answer within five minutes, they send something else. When you don’t answer within an hour, you get the frantic phone calls. They always want to know where you are, whom you are with and what you are doing.

Welp, looks like you’ve got a Stage Five Clinger on your hands. 

Signs of Stage Five Clingers

They Think About Marriage... On The First Date

Slow your roll there, hotshot. Especially when it comes to guys. Nothing will freak a man out more than bringing up long term commitments before they’re ready, let alone before they know your last name. Men are more worried about what they’re gonna eat for lunch tomorrow or the score of a football game, not their ‘‘long term goals’’. It’s understandable that you can already feel a strong connection for someone new, but take it easy. If he or she is ready to exchange vows within the first 20 minutes, you’ve got a Stage Five Clinger.

They Never Give You Space

Yes, it is normal to always want to be with your significant other whenever you can. And it’s normal to miss them, too. But it’s really important that you give each other space. If your girl or guy constantly nags or flips when you want to go out with your friends, you’ve got a Stage Five Clinger.

They’re Insecure                                                                                         Constantly being insecure will get you nowhere in a relationship. A huge turnoff for anyone is someone who is depressing and not assure of themselves, or their relationship. If your partner is snooping through your stuff and worried that you’re cheating on them for no good reason, you’ve got a Stage Five Clinger. Be careful- Stage Five Clingers could take you hostage and hold you captive. Sleep with one eye open.

Do's and Don'ts of Hookups

Pre- Hookup

Don’t use or fall for cheesy pickup lines. Some awesome examples would include, ‘‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven?’’ or ‘‘if I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?’’ Um, pass. Save the cheese for some nachos.
PS- If at any point during conversation they refer to their business as ‘The Anaconda’ or a ‘Love Stick’.... RUN. Far, far away.

Do be flirty, not aggressive. 

Don’t act like you’re something you’re not.

Do be yourself and have fun. When you’re having a good time laughing and dancing  people will see that. It makes you look approachable. No one likes a snoozefest.

Always go into anything knowing your expectations for yourself and open to finding chemistry. Know this isn’t a love quest, this is a good time. The higher the expectations, the more room for disappointment. Oh- and PLEASE brush your teeth. Having minty, fresh breath is the way to go. No one wants to smell what you had for lunch. 

Annnnnnnd Action!

During a hook up, don’t take it too seriously. Chances are your hook up isn’t going to be like Jack and Rose’s passionate adventures in Titanic. This is real life, and there is always some sort of awkward moment.

Do laugh it off. In hook ups, you’re bound to have a slip up. Things don’t always go perfectly.

Never, ever force yourself into something uncomfortable. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

Post Hook Up

Do acknowledge the person after. You don’t have to necessarily share your most intimate secrets, a simple wave or quick hello will always suffice.

Don’t weirdly ignore your hookup any chance you get, even if it did suck. That’s just rude.

Don’t feel shame. You don’t always have to justify and explain yourself. Even if things went terribly wrong, learn from the experience and mend your mistakes.

Quick Thoughts

Today I was walking downtown, rushing to get my butt in the car. With all of this freezing weather in Jersey lately, the last thing I wanted to do was be outside for more than five minutes. Then I saw it, walking towards me. It. The one thing that would make me stay outside for hours upon hours. 

An attractive guy walking his dog. 

I went to pet the dog right away, and an immediate conversation sparked with the owner. And as I walked away, it hit me like a ton of bricks. That is the ultimate way to pickup girls. Sure, it's one thing to have movie star good looks, but the dog aspect just makes a guy so much more approachable. Guys suddenly seem so down to earth and relaxed, but playful at the same time. I mean, what girl passes up a good looking man and a man's best friend? 

<-------- Sexy

Things Not To Do After A Breakup

Crime Number 1- Calling/Texting Your Ex Every Time You Think About Them

Sure, after a breakup it’s 100 percent understandable that you still think about your past. You did just spend a significant amount of time and memories with that person. Speaking for ladies here, after a break up we over analyze everything we see as ‘‘a sign.’’ [After all, how can you not think about the guy when you find his old sweatshirt in the laundry, or the CD he made you] But every single time you see or hear something that reminds you of your ex, don’t reach out. Sometimes it’ll just end up hurting you, and the last thing you want is for your ex to think you’re clingy and still hung up. Puhleeease. Don’t give them that satisfaction. It’s one thing to think about your ex every five minutes, but you’re bordering psycho if you call them every five minutes, too. 

Crime Number 2- Sharing Every Detail Of Your Emotional Rollercoaster On Social Media

I am speaking for everyone here when I say do not ever- ever- air your dirty laundry on Facebook. Posting some sort of sappy, or angry story, about how you lost your one true love or how your ex is a complete cheating D-Bag? No one cares. And what good does that do? Same goes for thinly detailed posts. Let’s be honest, everyone knows what you’re talking about when you post ‘‘Some people will always be a-holes.’’ And don’t even get me started on the cliche posts of ‘‘Everything happens for a reason.’’ Come on, enough already. Also, the numerous depressing song lyrics you post every hour go under this category as well. Shut. The. Hell. Up. Slowly repeat after me: Facebook is not my diary, Facebook is not my diary, Facebook is not my diary.....

Crime Number 3- Getting A Haircut

Changing your look after a breakup is the sin almost every single person commits. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again... Go to the salon post-breakup and you’ll come out looking like Miley Cyrus after she chopped all her hair off. [I mean, what was she thinking?] What’s worse than being dumped? Being single- with a bowl cut.

And PLEASE, please avoid tattoo parlors. You’re bound to get some sort of tacky tattoo, and I promise you, that won’t look good when you’re 70 and wrinkly. Wait until you’re less stressed or upset to make some sort of drastic change.

Crime Number 4- Trying To Be Just Friends Right Away

No, just no. Dear Lord, no. This is just self explanatory. Not only is this the cardinal sin of things to not do post-breakup, but it's the one thing that everyone does. Are you ready to hear your ex talk about the new people they're into? You know the answer to that is absolutely not. Being in close proximity to each other will only allow you to fool yourself, and hooking up with an ex right away is never a good idea.Trying to be close when you need your space from each other will only do more harm than good. Stay away.

Crime Number 5- Getting Serious With Another Person

Let me be perfectly clear, It is A OK for you to throw yourself into new, fun things with different people after a breakup. I mean, the best part about being single is a new sense of found freedom. But getting all deep and emotional with someone when you’re not ready is just a recipe for disaster. 

Five Ways Technology is Hurting Relationships and Dating

1. We’re More Likely to Trade Up

Access to social sites such as Facebook and Twitter make it really easy to find new people, giving us access to leave what we have behind for someone new. Knowing that Boyfriend 2.0 is just three clicks away sure helps me ditch whatever I have. But that can just create more and more problems, and you’ll always think you can have more or do better, when the right person is just right in front of you. Plus, who wants to date the chick or dude with the ego, who constantly thinks they’re above their significant other? Uh, pass. 

2. We’re Not as Invested

On the other hand, because it’s so easy to find new people through technology, people become disposable and taken for granted. Also, dudes- who gives if you can look up the score of the Knicks game on your ESPN app. I’m trying to tell you that the brat from my science class rolled her eyes at me today! So rude. Ladies- while your guy is telling you about his rough day, you’re too busy uploading the cutest picture of your puppy or nails on Instagram. [Guilty] But ignoring your guy isn't fair.  

With all of the accessibility that technology gives us, we tend to focus on what could be better or more interesting than our relationships and being grateful for what we already have. 

3. Don’t Hate the Player, Hate the Game

Technology, texting especially, makes people so easy to fool. That cute good morning text your crush sent you today? Welp, he sent that to four other girls, too. Whoops. Now aren’t you special! Oh- don’t let me forget those 3 A.M. ‘Hey, U up?’ texts. No, fool, my butt needs its beauty rest.

With text messaging, e-mails and instant messaging, deception is like taking candy from a baby. Flirting becomes easier and takes a lot of pressure off of people who are nervous of talking to others in person. Plus, what about all of that constant waiting around your phone for someone to call or text you back. Things were so much easier and honest when phones didn’t exist. 

4. We’re More Likely to Snoop.

Okay, so most of us have probably done it once or twice before before. Okay, three times, but I had good reasons to be suspicious! Actually, does it count if I involved a best friend? Crap- four times. I’m paranoid, alright?

Regardless, snooping really isn’t okay. We know we shouldn’t monitor our guys or girls and be sneaky- but technology makes it so damn irresistible. Also, millions of men and women have admitted to looking a girl or guy up on Google before a first date. 

5. We Tend to Date- Errrrrrr- Outside the Box.

Contrary to popular opinion, technology actually helps us date outside of our types or comfort zones. I hate to say it, but dating websites are just creepy. Although dating sites expose us to more single people in our area, I just don’t buy it. I can’t help but think the ‘’25 year old who loves to play soccer, cook for his significant other and enjoys long walks on the beach’’ is actually old enough to be my father, and wants to make a skin suit out of me. Oh hell no, sketchballs just aren’t for me. Plus, people are actually creating fake Facebook profiles with pictures of girls or guys that are attractive to get attention from others. Not only do you people have way too much free time on your hands, you’re just downright strange. 

It’s a Break Up, Not Cancer.

 RULE 1: Defriend and Delete

Breaking up with someone is hard enough, but today social media can make it much worse. Seeing a tagged photo of your ex with his or her arm around someone other than you is pretty much the last thing you want to see, let alone a status update. It can also be really easy to become obsessive, checking their page or tweets 24/7. You start to read into minor things. You may see that photo and think, ‘‘What the hell is that girl doing touching my guy?’’ when she’s just a friend from class. Plus, speaking strictly for girls here, we over think everything. Like if you see that he's online at 2 a.m., your crazy ass will jump to the conclusion that he can’t sleep because he’s thinking about you. Newsflash: not likely. 

However, if the relationship ended on good terms, de-friending or deleting their number can be a little extreme. Try hiding him or her from your feed through your privacy settings, that way you are still friends, but won’t have a constant urge to click on their profile. 

RULE 2: Don’t Act Out In The Heat Of The Moment Once you're done with crying, for now anyways, you usually enter that pissed-off phase. You’re angry that it didn't work out, or for all of the things you wish you could have done. You want to show them that you can do better and that you’ve moved on. But don't go there.  Sending a long, angry text may make you feel good for the first five minutes, but getting in a fight with your ex isn’t worth it. 

Also, avoid posting things online just because you know your ex will see. Tweeting "can't wait for my date tonight!" (when you know you’ll be crying in your bed alone watching The Notebook for the eighty fourth time) or tagging a picture of yourself hugging some random hottie can actually backfire. It's easy to fool yourself into thinking that you're getting over him or her because you're seeing other people and publicizing how fun your life is now, but if you’re just posting so that one of your ex’s friends or your ex sees it, you aren’t truly moving forward. 

And never, ever, EVER drunk dial your ex. The time you'll most likely be tempted to text him or her is when you're tipsy. So take extra precautions. Give your phone to a friend at the beginning of the night. Screaming out a bunch of slurred ‘I still love you’s?’ Hellllllll nooooo. 

RULE 3: Find the Good in Goodbye

When a break up initially happens, it’s like an open wound. It hurts like crazy and all you can think about is that pain. Eventually, you'll get to the post-split emotion of missing them, which usually happens when you've been broken up for a while. As tempting as it will be, don’t go and put on their old sweatshirts or look at old pictures of you guys together. It’ll just make you confused, and end up hurting you more. Learn to let go. Everything heals over time. It’s okay to miss someone who was an important part in your life at one point, but accept the fact that they aren’t in it anymore. Life does go on. Not to sound cliche, but there’s plenty of fish in the sea. 

Rebounds: Having Fun in the Right Way

Sadly, there’s no switch or green light that goes off in our brains that tells us when we’re emotionally ready to start a relationship with someone new. However, that doesn’t mean you have to wait around trying to figure out when it’s time to get with someone else. Hence the good ole rebounds. Urban Dictionary defines a rebound as;

hooking up with someone shortly after being dumped (by someone else) so that you still feel wanted. the kind of relationship that is simply happening in order to get over another one that recently ended.

So yeah, you just got dumped. Now it’s time to get back in the game. First and foremost, you must go into any rebound situation knowing that hooking up with a new girl or guy won’t fill a missing void. Don’t go into anything new thinking that you need this to make you happy again. 

There is only four key goals into having a successful rebound. Your first goal should be to simply have a good time, with zero regrets. The second goal is to find a sexy, hot piece of ass. I mean, why not, right? Have a little fun. Your third goal should be making everything about you. In a relationship, there’s that stupid thing called a compromise. Screw that. In a rebound, it’s totally okay to be selfish. Lastly, never fall for the rebound. You will think that you’re completely head over heels in love with this person, but you’re not. 

After a serious relationship, it is perfectly okay to have a little fun. After all, they say you never get over a person until you get under someone else.